How to Actively Listen to Your Teen

Parents don't always think about listening to their teens, but learning to be an active listener may help resolve some of the communication problems that parents and teens often have.  Although it may take some effort, learning to listen to your children, especially during times when emotions seem to be running high, is a valuable skill to acquire. 

Parents may be more knowledgeable than teens on a number of subjects, but it's probably safe to say that teens know more about their own feelings than anyone else does.  Talking to your teen about their feelings and showing genuine concern are some ways that parents can really connect to their children and solidify fragile relationships.  Here are some more tips on active listening:

·         Don't multitask.  There is nothing worse than trying to talk to somebody when they are watching television, texting, or reading mail.  Communication involves paying attention and if you are doing other things while your teen is trying to talk to you it sends a distinct message that what they are saying is unimportant.

·         Mind your body language.  The way in which your body is positioned and the direction that your eyes are looking give away how interested you are in the conversation.  Your body should be facing the person who is speaking and you should be making eye contact.  Leaning toward the speaker also indicates interest.

·         Give Feedback. Repeating and rephrasing key points in the conversation will let your teenager know that you were listening and it will also ensure that you have a good understanding of the concepts that they are trying to convey.

·         Don't interrupt.  Besides being rude, interruptions are very frustrating to the one talking.  Interruptions also sends the clear message that you are not really listening, but developing a counter argument instead.  Let your teenager finish their thought and then respond appropriately and respectfully with your opinions.  We would all do well to remember the words of Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton:  "The true spirit of conversation consists in building on another man's observation, not overturning it." 

By practicing active listening with your teen, you will gain significant insight into your child's perspective on the issues that are important to them. In addition, you will have the added benefit of becoming a model of respect and understanding for them to follow.