How to Actively Listen to Your Teen

Parents don't always think about listening to their teens, but learning to be an active listener may help resolve some of the communication problems that parents and teens often have.  Although it may take some effort, learning to listen to your children, especially during times when emotions seem to be running high, is a valuable skill to acquire. 

Parents may be more knowledgeable than teens on a number of subjects, but it's probably safe to say that teens know more about their own feelings than anyone else does.  Talking to your teen about their feelings and showing genuine concern are some ways that parents can really connect to their children and solidify fragile relationships.  Here are some more tips on active listening:

·         Don't multitask.  There is nothing worse than trying to talk to somebody when they are watching television, texting, or reading mail.  Communication involves paying attention and if you are doing other things while your teen is trying to talk to you it sends a distinct message that what they are saying is unimportant.

·         Mind your body language.  The way in which your body is positioned and the direction that your eyes are looking give away how interested you are in the conversation.  Your body should be facing the person who is speaking and you should be making eye contact.  Leaning toward the speaker also indicates interest.

·         Give Feedback. Repeating and rephrasing key points in the conversation will let your teenager know that you were listening and it will also ensure that you have a good understanding of the concepts that they are trying to convey.

·         Don't interrupt.  Besides being rude, interruptions are very frustrating to the one talking.  Interruptions also sends the clear message that you are not really listening, but developing a counter argument instead.  Let your teenager finish their thought and then respond appropriately and respectfully with your opinions.  We would all do well to remember the words of Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton:  "The true spirit of conversation consists in building on another man's observation, not overturning it." 

By practicing active listening with your teen, you will gain significant insight into your child's perspective on the issues that are important to them. In addition, you will have the added benefit of becoming a model of respect and understanding for them to follow.

Cell Phones: How Old Should a Child Be?

In recent years, the swift advances in technology have made new devices and gadgets more appealing to a younger crowd. Already, half of America’s teenagers have a cell phone and that number is growing. So how old should children be when they get a cell phone? The answer to that question requires an assessment of individual’s circumstances. One of the main reasons that cell phones are issued to children of all ages is the safety advantage. Cell phones provide parents with certain security benefits like being able to reach their children at any time. In addition, cell phones give parents peace of mind knowing that their children can place a call in case they are in an emergency situation. Other parents, however, are concerned with the legitimate problem that children may not be responsible enough to manage using a phone appropriately. With these issues in mind, parents should consider a few guidelines when determining what age is the.............read more

Summertime means grilling time so fire up the grill and don your apron. But first, you'll want to take advantage of some tips for producing the best grilled burgers around. Here are some great grilling tips to help you be the star of your next get-together.

The Best Meat to Use


When it comes to what kind of meat produces the best grilled hamburgers, grill masters will tell you that the best meat for grilling is ground chuck. Some even take it a step further and say to mix your ground chuck with ground sirloin. They will also advise you not to skimp on the fat. For best results on the grill, opt for meat that contains at least 15% fat. If you want like your burgers well-done, you might even want to go with 20% fat. It's important to remember that the longer you cook your meat, the drier it becomes. High fat content will help keep your burgers moist and flavorful.


The Best Hamburger Patties


Forming patties that are the right size with the right seasoning is an important part of a great grilled burger. Start by popping your purchased meat in the freezer for about 30 minutes to make forming patties easier. Wet your hands and handle the meat as little as possible to avoid "bruising" the meat which makes it dense and dry. Form patties that are at least a half an inch thick. Thin patties have a tendency to burn quickly on the grill. Seasoning should be simple - just a little salt and pepper will suffice.


The Best Flavor
 
Many outdoor chefs use a gas grill, but many grill masters will contend that a simple, old-fashioned charcoal grill is a better option for flavorful burgers. And it doesn't take long to cook the perfect burger. All that's required is a smoking hot grill and 3 or 4 minutes per side. Whatever you do, don't squish the patties with your spatula. You will squeeze out all of the flavor. Lastly, don't forget to let your cooked patties rest for about 5 minutes before serving.

Great grilled hamburgers start with ground chuck that is formed into thick patties and lightly seasoned. Throw them on the grill for a few minutes and you might just have the best burgers on the block.

Tips for Getting Kids to Eat Veggies

We all know that we should follow the recommendations for healthy living by eating three to five servings of veggies a day, but getting kids to voluntarily eat just one serving can be torturous.


Vegetable requirements for children depend on their age, as well as a number of other factors, but, in general, you should be trying for two to four servings of veggies a day. Here are several tips that parents can follow when trying to incorporate vegetables into their child's diet.

The Sneaky Way

There are many ways to slip veggies into food on the sly.

• Spaghetti sauce. Most kids love spaghetti. Many vegetables can be cooked, pureed, and added to spaghetti sauce without being detected. Yellow squash, eggplant, and zucchini are great additions to your favorite spaghetti sauce.

• Dips. Many kids will eat creamy dips on chips or crackers. Try adding chopped spinach to ranch-type dips or smashed green peas to avocado dips. Also, try introducing hummus instead of dip. Hummus is a delicious alternative to dip and it is already naturally full of high-fiber chick peas.

• Sauté vegetables in dishes made with ground meat. Kids won't even know that you have added carrots, bell pepper, or onions to ground meat served in tacos, meatloaf, meatballs, or even hamburger patties. Just make sure you chop them finely and saute them until tender.

• Add herbs. Herbs like parsley and cilantro are very nutritious and children often cannot detect that you have added them to food. Chop them finely and add to soups, quesadillas, or scrambled eggs.

The Not-So-Sneaky Way

All sneaking aside, there are many other ways to turn your kids on to vegetables.

• Let them help cook. Getting kids involved in the cooking process can make them feel like they are a part of the meal preparation. They will naturally be curious about the taste of things that they helped prepare.

• Get them involved in gardening. When your child witnesses seeds sprouting or gets to pick a ripe tomato off of the vine, their interest in different kinds of vegetables will grow. It may take a while, but they will eventually want to try their homegrown creations.

• Take them to the grocery store. Let them help pick out colorful veggies to try at home.

• Insist that they try one small bite. Kids tend to snub veggies because of their color or some other perceived unsavory attribute. Getting them to try it is the only way that they will really know if they like it or not. Most of the time, even the pickiest eaters find some vegetable that they like.

The best advice for parents when it comes to getting their kids to eat veggies is to be a good role model. When you serve vegetables at every meal and your kids see you eating vegetables, they will be more likely to do the same.

Pet Care: Why Dogs Shouldn't Eat Chocolate

We've all heard that dogs shouldn't eat chocolate and many pet owners will attest to the fact that their dogs have eaten chocolate and nothing happened. The reason is that there is a toxicity level when it comes to dogs ingesting chocolate and that level has a lot to do with the amount that they eat in relation to their size.

Toxicity levels in dogs

The canine culprit in chocolate is a substance called theobromine. On average, milk chocolate contains about 44 mg. per oz. Semisweet chocolate contains about 150 mg. per oz. And baker's chocolate contains the most at 390 mg. per oz.



Fortunately, it takes a fairly large amount of theobromine to produce symptoms of toxicity in dogs. For example, a 40 pound dog would have to eat at least 4 oz. of baker's chocolate and many more ounces of milk chocolate (the kind contained in most candy) to cause clinical signs of toxicity.

Signs of toxicity

It's the xanthines contained in theobromine that causes the problems for dogs when they ingest chocolate. Xanthines adversely affect a dog's nervous system and their cardiovascular system, as well. Some of the signs of chocolate toxicity include:

• Hyper excitability
• Increased heart rate
• Restlessness
• Vomiting
• Diarrhea

Treatment for chocolate toxicity

Generally, there is no specific treatment for chocolate poisoning. Many veterinarians will suggest inducing vomiting within the first two hours to reduce the amount of theobromine that is absorbed. Sometimes vets administer charcoal to try to inhibit absorption. If neurological signs are already present, a vet may prescribe an anti-convulsant or intravenous medications. Because many dogs suffer from severe diarrhea about 12 hours after eating chocolate, fluids may also need to be administered to prevent dehydration.

Of course, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure where chocolate toxicity is concerned. If your dog happens to get into some chocolaty treats, contact your veterinarian immediately.

Pets: Why Dogs Prefers to Drink From the Toilet

Does your dog drink from the toilet even though you put fresh water out for him? There may be a good reason why. Once you understand why a dog prefers to drink from the toilet, you can make the proper accommodations for your beloved pet.

To a dog, a toilet is like a cool, spring-fed reservoir of fresh water. One reason that dogs prefer toilet water is that the porcelain keeps water cooler, the water is usually kept fresh from frequent flushing, and porcelain does not negatively affect the taste of water like metal or plastic sometimes can.



Another reason that dogs may prefer toilet water is instinctual. In the wild, dogs gravitate towards running water over still water. Running water has less of a tendency to  ........read more

Why Teens Contemplate Suicide

Mary was a normal, middle-class, 15 year-old girl.  She fit in pretty well at school.  She was involved with her youth group at church and she loved to play volleyball.  Over the last couple of years, her life had taken some stressful turns since her mom and dad divorced.  Mary’s mom was tired, frustrated, and angry much of the time from working two jobs to try to take care of Mary and her little sister.  Mary’s dad had remarried and was very involved with his new family.  Mary found herself lonely and sad most of the time. Mary’s grades had always been high and her parents were proud of her for succeeding academically.  But now her grades were starting to fall short of the norm and Mary was actually failing math.  She was afraid to tell her mother because she didn’t want for her mother to be disappointed in her.  She knew that her mother had recently gotten a prescription for sleeping pills from the doctor.  It really sounded very appealing to Mary to just go to sleep and never wake up. As she poured a handful of pills into her hand, Mary heard her little sister come bouncing into the house.  It would be several hours before Mary’s mother would be home and Mary didn’t want her little sister to be the one to have to deal with the tragedy that was about to ensue.  Mary put the pills back. The next day, Mary mustered the courage to talk to her mother about what almost took place.  She found out that her mother cared deeply about what was going on in her life and was more than willing to help.

Teens Become Overwhelmed

Many teens that survive a suicide attempt have said that they were trying to escape a seemingly impossible situation or avoid unrelenting bad feelings.  They say that they don’t want to die as much as they are want relief from painful emotions.  Some teens may be feeling rejected, worthless, or, like Mary, they may feel like they are a disappointment to family members.  These feelings can overwhelm the underdeveloped teen mind and, in a moment of charged emotion, they can consider acting on the impulse to take their own life.


The Depression Component

It’s probably safe to say that most teens are confronted with stressful situations from time to time, and yet most are able to cope.  What is the difference between those...........read more

The Dynamics of the Blended Family

Would you be surprised to learn that for the first time in history, step families are more common than non-step families?  Life in a step family, which modern terminology refers to as a blended family, isn’t always smooth sailing and, in fact, can be quite challenging.

Expectations

Because blended families come with their own unique dynamics, it is implausible to assume that step families will always behave like intact families.  Many parents enter a blended situation with misguided expectations.  They think their desire to love and nurture their stepchildren will be grounds for full-fledged acceptance and reciprocated affection and that possibly their stepchildren will even regard them like they do a natural parent.  In reality, however, the circumstances take on some serious complexity and conditions are rarely so cut and dried.  In natural families, children are an extension of the parents.  Because of this, natural parents are usually jointly motivated to devote hefty amounts of time, energy, and money into their progeny.  Step parenting, however, is not that predictable and often drifts into uncharted territory for both parent and child.  It takes awareness on the part of the step parents to come to the realization that the dynamics of their new blend won’t be the same as a natural family.  With this recognition, the blended family has a better chance of tracking a more positive course.

Sex and Biology

In a natural family, a man and a woman come together to have a child.  Most of the time, both parents have the interest of the child at heart.  They combine their energies to tend to and nurture the child.  In step families, however, sexual energies of the couple and biological energies of parent/child relationship can cause family members to move emotionally in opposing directions.  This polarization can be the.........read more

Balancing Work and Life: Two Essential Elements

For many working adults, managing the demands of a career in addition to constantly having to juggle the obligations of a busy household is becoming more of a challenge.  Oftentimes, the requirements that create a negative pull on a person’s time result in overwork, over-exhaustion, and high levels of stress.

The Balancing Act

It’s important to remember that the true harmony found in managing work and family life is not always a completely balanced equation.  The hours you spend at work versus the hours spent with family may change from time to time, or even day to day, depending upon you and your family’s circumstances.  Regardless of how your day is divvied up, there are two elements that should always take the center stage in your awareness and remain constant:   Success and satisfaction.

Success

All too often, society stresses the importance of success and achievement as it relates to financial gains, material assets, and career performance.  In fact, that emphasis can be very important to many areas of life, including a healthy self-esteem.  Success, however, is a relative term that would be better defined subjectively according to the individual person, rather than objectively, as classified by society. In the broadest sense,......read more

Movie Reviews: Red Tails

Red Tails is the riveting, true tale of the Tuskegee airmen, the first African American Army Air Corps fighter squadron that fought in World War II. More than just a movie, Red Tails is a captivating account of a group of brave heroes who overcame the overwhelmingly difficult experience of racial segregation.  This movie chronicles the pioneering spirit of the Tuskegee Airmen who were determined to prove themselves worthy to fight for their country and be recognized for their efforts.

In light of history, Red Tails underscores the injustices and prejudice that the African American race has endured in the past and applauds how far we have come as a nation in implementing equality.

This movie is a motivational must-see for kids.  Its prevailing themes of bravery, courage, and determination can apply to many modern-day situations.   Rated PG-13, Red Tails presents many valuable lessons that will leave older children believing in themselves and feeling that they can excel despite seemingly overwhelming odds.

Red Tails stars Cuba Gooding Jr., Terrence Howard, Gerald McRaney and David Oyelowo.

Banishing Four Common Parenting Myths

“Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; now I have six children and no theories.”  – John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester

Parenting is a challenging endeavor and many moms and dads complicate the process by adopting some rather frustrating myths.  What do you believe concerning good parenting and well-behaved children?  Common Myths Consider the following myths about parenting and honestly evaluate whether you are consciously or unconsciously buying into them.

Myth #1 – Committed parents who are emotionally connected have children that are naturally well-behaved. The truth of the matter is that even loving, committed and engaged parents have children that act up from time to time.  The mistake that parents make is unfairly associating a child’s actions or imperfections to the level of love and care that a parent offers their child.  The fact is that children are human and they are going to throw temper tantrums and pitch fits no matter how emotionally connected their parents are to them.  Those types of behaviors are just part of being immature and they are not a direct reflection on your level of commitment to the parenting process.  Conduct that adults label as “misbehavior” is really a very..............read more

Talking to Teens about Forgiveness

Because so many adults put so little thought into or value upon the concept of extending forgiveness to others, it’s no wonder that teens often have a difficult time understanding and implementing this very important concept.

Taking a Lesson from Little Kids

For the most part, young children have a natural ability to forgive one another.  Just like older kids, children may get angry and frustrated with their playmates and they often declare I’m not your friend anymore!  Then a few minutes later the matter is forgotten and they are playing amicably with their counterpart again.  As children get older, however, they learn some harmful habits like keeping score, expecting everything to be fair all of the time, and holding grudges.  At times, parents can even be found holding grudges for their children.  As such, it becomes increasingly important to cultivate and nurture a forgiving attitude.  If adolescents fail to learn to forgive, their lives.......read more